11.18.2009

Forever...

Five years ago today, my heart was crushed. . .
my first conscious breath in the morning was taken with sobs. . .
my stomach felt like regurgitating every emotion it bore the burden of. . .
my shoulders, back, neck, ached from the pain in my heart. . .
my fingers stroked my sisters hair for the last time. . .
my eyes saw her skin, fair and flawless under the pretty pink dress that adorned her sweet frame--
laying inside of her bed of white and grey. . .


Five years ago today, my family & I had to say goodbye to my beautiful little sister.






I never mourned so deeply. I never thought a young girl's heart could hurt as much as mine did, but from the first day without Anna, I did see something--I saw the love in my mother's eyes when she saw her children hurting. I saw the love in my daddy's arms as they wrapped around her trembling frame. And I recognized the love in my Heavenly Father's tears as I realized they fell for me--for me and my family.




And slowly, Christ gave us the strength to uphold one another once again. He held our hands, He spoke words of comfort through His Word, He gave us things to be excited and joyful about...but most importantly, He gave us His eyes--and suddenly we could see victory in the pain...a bright and stunning Light at the end of the darkest cavern we could have stumbling through.

Five years ago today, I felt pain. . .

But now,
I've been inspired by a life. . .
I've aspired to be more. . .
I've loved deeper and stronger than I could have ever hoped to in my own power. . .
I've seen more beauty than pain. . .
I've been in the pit, so I can recognize the mountains. . .




And the sun still shines.



Forever changed. Forever touched. Forever joyful.


"Look! Look! Up in the sky! You're lifted off the ground into the silver lining. Look! Look! This is your day. This is here and now. Don't let it slip away."


"Silver Lining", Danyew



To see more pictures of Anna, visit my momma's blog.

28 comments. :

Sara x said...

When my daughter died, i never beleived i would suvive, i begged God to let me go with her. But like you Jesus saved me and gave me the strength to be there for my other children. Not a day goes by when i dont miss her. You are an amazing young lady and i know you have given your parents so much strength. They are so proud of you and rightly so. Anna is in heaven looking down saying full of pride, "thats my big sister". Hugs for today as i know the pain still hurts xxxx

Blakelyn said...

This is a beautiful post for a beautiful little girl.

Kristin said...

Wow, Abigail. That was such a beautiful post. Anna's story forever changed my life. It was the catalyst that brought me back to Him. Your family is so precious, and I am so grateful to have met you all in this blogging world. I thought it was neat that today is my 1 year Blogiversary too. I hope you all have a wonderful day remembering sweet Anna and have a fun time decorating your tree :)

Love you lots!

Kristin said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Alexis said...

Abigail,
I'm praying for you and your family today. Heaven is sweeter for you knowing that she is there!
Love,
Alexis

Becca said...

Such a beautiful post for such a beautiful little girl watching down on her family!

3 Blessings said...

This is so beautiful. Your mother's book made me appreciate my children and my life to a greater level. Thank you for sharing your heart and your beautiful sister's story with us. God bless you and your family.
Amy

Hannah said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Hannah said...

Abigail, I have never experienced what you have gone through, but what you just wrote speaks volumes. I have no words to describe how beautiful your post was, and how it glorified God (I'm sure that you can see it though; it's not easy to miss). That you can seek to praise God in the midst of it all--that's saying something.

So my love and prayers to your family today.

Hannah

Hannah said...

(Stopping by once more)

I just want to say (again) that I love you and am praying for you today. =) Your friendship has really been a blessing, and I want to thank you for it. :)

Olivia said...

Oh Abigail, I must say that I cried. The story of your family is one of beauty through pain and I have stood amazed to see how God has made you all stronger and more beautiful through the trials he has sent your way, especially Anna's death. I constantly wished I could of known her and met her. Seen her do so many of those things that you and your mom write about. But I look forward to seeing her in heaven someday. Anna really has won a special place in my heart as has your whole family. I'm praying for you guys today, but I'm also praising God for you as well! It's been a blessing to see the huge evidences of grace in your family and how you've been able to overcome trails with God's help.

I love you so much Abigail!

croleyc69 said...

Such a beautiful post for a very special little girl.
{{HUGS}}
Caroline

Linda said...

Oh Abigail,...the tears are flooding from my eyes as I read your beautiful post this morning.

What a writer you are my sweet granddaughter. Your expression of the pain in your heart was so vivid to me... and my heart broke as I remembered that sad day when our Anna left us to venture on to heaven.

The way God has raised you up and walked you through those sorrows by leading you to a joyful place,... is simply amazing.

Our God is so merciful, and kind, and loving. None of us could have made it through without Him!!!

Anna was so special and she loved all of us so much! We had the joy of having her here on earth for 6 wonderful years...and we have the certainty that we will spend eternity with her in heaven! That brings me so much comfort. And I know it comforts you and your mom,...and the whole family.

You are an amazing, beautiful, and talented young lady. Your love of the Lord and your trust in Him is a witness of your faith.

I love you and admire your Christian walk.

Grandma Linda

Stephanie said...

Such a beautiful post. You and your family are in my prayers today.

Lynnette Kraft said...

I AM THE BLESSED ONE! <3 I'm so thankful that you love the Lord and that you love me and that you have hope in eternity. My heart swells with love and admiration for you, my precious daughter. I sometimes wonder why God blessed me 9 times... I don't deserve it, but I am truly thankful.

Today we'll rejoice and celebrate Anna's blessed day. We can't fully understand what a tremendous gift it is... not yet.

So much love for you.
Momma

Wife, mother...and now a grandma! said...

Abigail...I am so touched!! Beautifully written...and I have seen your mother 'in' you for years and even more so as you continue to grow!! You are not only blessed....but a BLESSING!!!

Love and Prayers,
Nancy

Barbie said...

What a beautiful post and tribute to your precious sister. Your family is surrounded by God's love! Remembering you all today.

Kelly said...

Abigail, what a beautiful tribute to your little sister. It's amazing to see God's grace portrayed in your life and your family's lives. He truly does give more grace when the burdens grow greater. Thank you for your sweet testimony. You are in my thoughts and prayers today.

RaD said...

Wow! I'm new around here so I am unfamiliar with your family's story. But that was beautiful. Thank you for sharing, truly God has brought you triumph through so much tragedy.

Kate said...

Thinking of you today! Thanks for sharing with us, hugs!

Melissa G. said...

Wow, this was beautifully written! You have a way with words!

Mom to 9 Blessings! said...

Abigail what an awesome heart felt and touching post!

Thank you for sharing the deep places of your heart with us today!

Love you - praying over you!
Mrs. Samter

Marissa said...

This was a beautiful post Abigail! It's just so awesome to see that even though you have gone through a rough patch in your life, you still honor God with all your heart! I seriously had tears in my eyes when I read this. I have never experienced anything like that... so I can't say I relate... but the story touched me. Thanks for being an awesome friend =) It's means a lot. XD Your a wonderful person Abigail.
Praying for your family. =)

Love ya!
--Marissa

Anna Gray said...

I couldn't even imagine going through something like that. You all have such great attitudes about it though. Praying for you all today!

Love,
Anna Gray

Leticia said...

I cried my eyes out when I read your mom's blog and then yours. I felt the pain in the lines you write and the joy that the Lord has sweet Anna. She is such a beautiful child of God and may she be free of suffering. May the Lord bless you and your family.

Always,

Leticia

Lilyofthevalley - Tanya said...

Thanks for sharing. A beautiful post about your precious sister Anna.
God bless you.

September said...

Abigail-
As usual, I am so behind on reading my favorite blogs. I stopped by today, and was so blessed by your words about Anna, her life, what she means to you, and all that you have come thru and bring glory to God!
Your words brought much joy and tears to me, but, I know that you are so loved, and have such a love for your Savior that it always shines thru the cloudy days!

Kade said...

Wow, I can't even imagine that...

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