5.23.2010

Mismatched

I've had trouble my whole life with being fickle. I was in the car today with my dad, chatting over a Starbucks, and I realized just how much I've played teeter-totter with myself in my lifetime. At various times in my life I've aspired to be a marine biologist, an artist, a graphic designer, a figure skater (ok, that was a 10 minute daydream when I was about 6), a web designer, a bassist in a touring band, a photographer, a violinist, etc. The only thing that's stayed true my whole life is my desire to be a stay at home wife and mother. However, I've wavered in my courage to do that too, on many occasions.

Dedicating my life to my God and family doesn't sound horrifying. It sounds utterly perfect. Like everything I've ever dreamt up could be encapsulated and handed to me on a silk pillow. When I focus on that, everything else seems to blur out. And in that moment...it's the perfect serving of life for me.


But moments later, I realize something. Not every day of my future is going to be like my wedding day...or like the day I look into each of my children's eyes (Lord willing) for the first time...or (my ultimate goal) the day I feel the recognition of Christ appear in my child's heart for the first time. Life isn't a collection of unforgettable moments--one stacked up on top of another. If it was, then they wouldn't be special. Monotony and boredom will set in just like they do now, and when they do I'll be tempted to feel discontent.

It seems like a mismatched and unbalanced reality. How can I have all of these things, and still keep the important parts in focus? Seeing my parents grow together, and hearing of their pasts apart, and their past together, has shown me something though. What I have, or rather, haven't seen are the blurry pictures behind the focus of my life. The brilliant colors of fields of flowers, blurred images of brightly colored sun dresses twirling through the daisies, and everything else I could possibly want in this picture of my life. Photos simply aren't complete without a setting to make the focus pop off the page!

It's stressful...collecting aspirations. But what a silly thing to stress about! Who says I can't be a stay at home mom someday, with the family I've always dreamed of calling mine, and still pour my heart into the violin? Who says I can't play with my children by breaking out their crayons and my pencils and drawing to my hearts content right alongside them? Who says I can't live with a camera strapped around my neck? Isn't the whole essence of photography to capture the sweet moments that you may overlook otherwise?

As far as I can see...life is meant to be mismatched. It's what makes it mine.

13 comments. :

Hannah said...

A mismatched reality. What a perfectly perfect way to describe what life feels like. One of those giant quilts, with all the different squares and patchwork and all that. Random, changing, circling, differentiating. Going through and through. Who says we can't have it all? After all, if we've got Jesus, we can have more than it all.

Love ya, sweet friend!
--Hannah

Katherine said...

AMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That's all I have to say.

Blessings!
Katherine

Chrissy said...

You call it fickle, I call it flaky! :) What you've just described, in a lot of ways, is me for my entire life. Difference is, I'm probably 3 times your age (yikes!). You're an amazing girl to have figured our SO much at such a young age. Your mama obviously did something right! :)

Melody said...

Beautiful post! I am exactly the same way. And just think, how boring would life be if you only had one of these aspirations & interests? God made us talented and creative in many ways for His glory!

Blessings,

~Melody

Näna said...

Perfectly put, Ab. One of the BEST thing about my life is how mismatched it is! And my Mom has always encouraged us. If we want to do/learn something new my Mom is right there encouraging us to do it and to be WILLING to try new things and (as she would say) multi task and use all our skills for God's glory.

Love,
Brianna

Ces't La Vie said...

what a fabulous blog!! it just made my day a little bit more cheerful :) thanks!

xoxo
sara

Bekah said...

Beautiful post. A mismatched reality describes my life right now. I don't know whether to feel happy or sad, y'know? I just have to learn to trust Jesus.

Love you,
Bekah

Memzie said...

Oh my gosh! I have felt the SAME way too!
Beautifully captured in words, Abby!

Sherrie said...

Great Words! I have felt that way too.

Stephani said...

How insightful! What a wonderful post. If you plan ahead to have a one income home there is no reason in the world you can't do that. Besides, with all the talents you have, you can still be a stay at home and earn income utilizing those talents as a photographer or graphic designer etc. The key is following God's guidance and being prepared. ~ So enjoyed visiting your site today! ~ Blessings to you!

Rachel said...

You are gifted with describing life with a symphony of words. It is a blessing that you can embrace the mismatched reality of life. If everything was exploding with amazement all the time we'd lose the utter and complete feeling of joy.

Thank you for your beautiful words.

Rachel

carissa @ lowercase letters said...

beautiful abigail... i love what you said: "It's stressful...collecting aspirations. But what a silly thing to stress about!" how true! the Lord has given you beautifully sweet aspirations and a talent for them... so to not follow them would be awful! i love the pictures, as always!

p.s. - i finally remembered to add yours and your mama's button to my button collection!!!

Hannah said...

AB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love your UPDATED look! It's AMAZINGLY cute!!! No...cute isn't the right word. Hold on...Okay, got it. You ready?

It's AMAZINGLY AWESOME! I love it, friend! The background is SO cute and the header is just FAB. GREAT job, girlie! :-)

Love and LOVING it!
--Hannah

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