10.28.2010

In Everything...

Surprised to see me?

I’m not going to lie…I never expected to come back to blogging. I used to really enjoy blogging, but I found that eventually it became more of a duty and less of something that I really desired doing. Violin became a huge part of my life, and I found myself overwhelmed with the idea of trying to build a blogging community whilst trying to build a life around my passion—the violin.

Well, as you’ve seen, I’ve taken several months away from blogging, and in that time I’ve discovered some wonderful things about life—things that make it twice as beautiful, and liberating in the most indescribable ways. First—and encompassing the rest—life is best when I follow God’s lead in everything. This seems like it should be a no-brainer, and it may be in theory, but the application in my life has been unclear. See, I felt that since God gave me a passion for the violin, He wanted me to make that my life’s pursuit. I’ve discovered…that’s far from accurate.

While I love the violin with a very deep and inherent love, I’m finding that there’s so much more joy in it (in my case) when I let it be a sideline pursuit. It took a lot of thinking, prayer, and deliberate action to make this decision—it’s hard to decide to let something fall to a lesser position on the totem pole of life goals when the passion runs so deeply through my veins. However, when I handed it to God, and let Him speak, He read to me, from my mind, the very thoughts I forgot existed. My life will be spent in pursuit of my two lifelong, most poignant longings: A deeper understanding of and relationship with my Father and Creator, Jesus Christ, and Lord-willing, someday a family of my own that I can cherish with my whole heart for the rest of my life.

While music defines me, possibly in more ways than I can define myself, its importance in my life lies simply in the fact that it enriches my soul so greatly—whether it's through striking the strings of the violin, closing my eyes in the emotional climax of a beautiful orchestral swell, aching in the vulnerable restraint of a great alternative song, or getting lost in the harsh and grating emotion of an album epic…music is important in my life for the further satisfaction of the breach in my heart that has been filled now and forever with an ardency for my God!

And in that discovery, I’ve realized that life holds so much more than just a purpose; it holds the ultimate Purpose—that is the furthering of the Kingdom of God—and all the things that personalize it for me. I’ve found that I love so many more things than I would let myself love before. When I let Christ be my one vision, why should I limit myself on methods of praise? Why should I try and tell myself that I was called to do one thing, when I want to do so many? God gave me my desires! I’m going to use them all for His sake, and to hopefully leave the door open for His working in my life.


One of my loves is writing. Even though I don’t care to have a super successful blog anymore (not to say I don't LOVE having readers--you all make me so happy, and I promise to be better to you this time around, Loves!) I do care about expressing myself through words, so I’m going to purpose to allow myself to do it for the purpose of…writing.

Amidst old loves, I’ve found multiple new ones in these past few months. Cooking, taking walks, watching the sunrise & sunset, waking up early, cuddling with my siblings and ruffling their hair when I’m feeling especially overflowing with affection, and so many more things that I feel like I’ve been missing out on…simply because I’ve let my mind become too self-dependant. Time to be spontaneous…time to listen to God’s little promptings—even when it seems completely bizarre. I’ve seen Him work left and right through things that I never would have suspected to see Him in…but He’s in everything. He’s everywhere in space, time, and happenstance. Now, I’m ready to simply dwell…and see what happens.